hmm..i dont know where & how to start.. it's been a while.. i hadn't been into this anymore..i'd love too but for some reasons i cant find the right reasons to start..
it was almost a year since i last logged in here.. i realized i've missed this..not everyone knows about this..its my own space, my own world..
Posted by ruseMe
the summer vacation had started weeks ago & yet, here i am.. still bumming around.. lo0kin for a decent job.. searchin for a way to earn clean m0ney.. i know, i did have my hunt days (weeks?!?!) ag0.. but unfortunately, i f0und myself in the very same situation i was months ag0.. waiting f0r the call of the c0mpany wh0 hired me as to when the training f0r my wave (my batch) would start..(remember, i got hired with Kuya Nodz at I*f*u*n* Phils. Inc. last Jan. 20 & up to now, they haven't made any single call.. i was always the one calling them & for months, i heard the same answers..oh well, maybe it wasn't just meant f0r me to be there.. gotta lo0k on the bright side).. it was taking them years to call... (exage!!) & i was even tempted to apply in other companies although i already signed a contract with them.. but one go0d thing about this c0mpany, C*i*n*L*g*c (*'s are for anonymity affax..ehe3..) is that the call us fr0m time to time.. informing us of our medical examination schedule.. reminding us of our requirements.. & most importantly, telling us to be patient as they arrange a convenient training schedule for all of us.. (differs a l0t fr0m the previous one..but nothin against them..pr0mise!!)
well, well.. guess there really is a purpose for the delays.. to better prepare me for the task ahead of me.. haha.. God is really s0 g0od to me.. ( it was just me who wasn't that g0od to Him..
)..
ciao!
{ music } Movin On (Inoj)
{ mood } tired
Posted by ruseMe
just got h0me fr0m my uncle's burial.. it was a very sad day f0r 0l of us..ü we would be missing really my uncle.. he just died last April 8, 2005 in Cotabato because of asthma & complications in the heart.. he was a great man.. well-loved by everyone fr0m his own family, relatives, friends, clients, co-workers.. everyone who knew him loved him..
his death was unexpected.. he was in his usual, jolly disposition, talking to his client, when all of a sudden, he had an asthma attack followed by a heart attack.. it was terrible.. but inspite of all that, miracles were at play.. it was a Friday & his plane ticket to Manila was booked for Monday.. our families (it's kinda complicated..don't ask!he3) were deliberating on who to send to Cotabato to help in the arrangements.. his body was expected to arrive on Monday & it was already Saturday evening & up to that time, we still don't have someone to send.. one of my uncle's brother (not my uncle.. as i've told you, there's a bit of complications in the matter) said, as if it was a joke, 'we don't have to worry..kuyang can help himself'.. that's another description for my uncle.. he helps himself as much as he can before he asks help from other people.. (he never wanted to bother anyone as long as he knows that he can still manage).. & surprisingly, as if it was a wish come true, no one has to go to Cotabato.. my uncle's body arrived in NAIA, Monday morning, all fixed & ready.. of course, someone in Cotabato had done this & arranged everything.. (that's how people loved him wherever he goes.. =c )..
even up to his death..to his last days here on earth, my uncle had lived an exemplary life.. he didn't want his family members to get inconvenient by going to Cotabato & then returning here in Manila with his body.. he has his own ways to get things done.. (of course, God's hand was never out of this).. i really do believe that miracles are true.. they only have to be preceded by faith.. faith in God & faith in other people...
my uncle's wake lasted for 5 days (April 11-15) in Loyola Memorial Chapels in Guadalupe.. he stayed in the Garden Suite & it was a very cozy place.. i was there from Tuesday up to Friday & even up to the internment.. i never went home.. i had clothes with me & i stayed there.. to entertain guests & visitors & other friends & relatives.. of course, i hope you don't get the idea that i'm alone.. my uncle's family (all of them), some members of my family, my other cousins, aunts & uncles also stayed there during the week.. i figure that it had happened again for the 2nd time.. (we also did that when my grandfather passed away last November 2003.. we didn't stay at our respective homes during the whole duration of the wake but instead we stayed there at St. Peter Memorial Chapels in Quezon Ave.. aww..memories of my grandfather c0mes back to my mind..) 
i know it was a time of grief & mourning, but we can't help it.. (& it was also my uncle's wish..) there were lots of times that we had fun & act as if nothing has happened.. we joked & fool around.. played games.. told stories.. it was more of a 'bonding time' than a wake.. we even checked in at HOTEL SOGO.. (sorry, guys, it was the nearest & cleanest hotel).. i know, i know, the reputation of that hotel is not as good as it's name..but we had no other choice.. & believe me, it was my first time.. i had to admit that the hotel have more customers than i expect.. there was not a time, even a single one, that i got into an elevator without seeing one or two pairs.. ( im sorry.. but i can't help it.. im not against it but i didn't expect it to be that much crowd..) & you should have seen the looks of the employees everytime they see us with all the children, clothes & stuff.. 'haller?! guys.. you're working in a hotel..you should not be surprise to see us here..' the feeling was kinda irky.. we seld0m stayed in the r0om.. we only go there for a bath.. well, it was quite an experience.. at least for n0w, we (my cousins & i) all had an idea what it was like being in a so-called 'h0tel'...haha..
i realized that we were only doing that to amuse ourselves.. to rid ourselves from the devastating pain.. pain from loss.. loss of a good man whom we learned to love and cherish with our lives..
i am not that close to him.. we only get together during reunions & family member birthdays.. tiwce or thrice a year.. but everytime we're together, we can all feel his love.. his desire to show us that he cares.. his desire to make us happy.. his desire to make us smile.. he really is a good man.. he has his own flaws & weaknesses.. but who doesn't have?! we all do..
the internment was an emotional one.. almost everyone cried.. (or at least showed their grief).. we had a convoy from LOyola Guadalupe up to Holy Cross where his remains would be burried.. there was a short mass before we left & then some last messages from the immediate family.. it was saddening.. but despite of that, we still had to keep our composure.. we tried to fight off the tears during the long ride to the cemetery but once there we can no longer keep them.. we cried.. we all cried as we took one last glance at him.. (even up to now, i can imagine his face in his coffin..).. we cried as we throw down flowers at his sealed coffin.. we cried as his body was lowered deep into the ground.. we cried as his flowers' from the wake were placed above his coffin.. we cried as soil was slowly shoveled into his grave.. we cried until we can no longer shed tears.. two sets of families with friends & relatives grieved for the loss.. but despite of all the tears, we know with a certainty that wherever he is, he is happy.. happy that he has done his best with his life..
it was not goodbye.. it was just see you later.. there will come a time that we can all be together again.. all of us..
Tito Eddie, God be with you till we meet again!!!!
{ music } I gotta be (Jagged Edge)
{ book } You & Your Back
{ show } duh?!h0w can i d0 all of those at the same time?!
Posted by ruseMe
yup, aha..that's right.. i have been busy hunting for the past few days (a week already, i guess).. hunting for something to do,,something to spend time on & something that could help me increase whatever was left in my wallet.. in Layman's term, i'm job hunting... what kind of job?! anything.. i'm not that pressured to lo0k for a job bc0z im still a college undergrad..[a recent acquaintance who had just graduated fr0m Business Management in the College of Holy Spirit told me that once you graduate, people (including your parents) are all expecting from you to pr0ve that they did a right thing to send you to shool..]
to be continued..kinda tired already..
™♥♥♥♥♥♥Ö
{ music } I don't wanna kn0w (Mario Winans)
Posted by ruseMe
i grew up without g0dparents.. i don't have the 'ninongs' & 'ninangs" that almost all my friends have.. but i am not saddened by this truth.. i already accepted the the fact that i can never have a g0dparent & i never even dreamed of having one.. (nothin against the idea..it's just that it was not part of the customs of our religion..) not having my own set of godparents doesn't necessarily mean that i don't get to be one.. & my first godparenthood started just this morning.. let me just give a brief history of the events..(lolx)
about 2-2 1/2 months ago, i received this phone call from one of my high school batchmate, Batoy (not his real name ;p) informing me about the christening of his baby.. i agreed & he then told me that he will just get in touch with me again, as s0on as he has all the details.. the day finally came..everything was all set.. rommel & tom picked me up at around 11 in the morning (it was suppose to be 10, but i was late & the two can't just leave me alone s0 they decided to just drop by our house & pick me up).. from our place, we went to the chapel in bayan..(i forgot the name of that chapel ;p) & we came just right in time.. the mass has started already but we're fortunate enough to get through some-kinda crowd & made ourselves comfortable near Batoy & his family.. it was a mass- christening & we felt lucky enough to have ourselves positioned near our friend.. there were some rites that has to be done & we obeyed according to what the priest has to say..no quetions asked, i surrendered.. ;p
{ music } tan,tananan,tananan...CANON by Pachelbel!!
{ mood } sleepy
Posted by ruseMe
haha..im back..finally..after months of being an inactive blogger..i am finally back!!
i really missed my blog..this used to be my refuge during the long, sleepless nights that i had to endure.. you know, the kind of nights that i had to cry myself to sleep.. the nights where i just lay still on my bed, careful not to let my siblings hear my sobs.. wh0w..those were the nights.. whenever i try to look back on those times, i couldn't help but laugh.. laugh & wonder why i was so stupid to cry over things like that..haha.. i didn't even thought that i can make it through..
Posted by ruseMe
my h0liday seas0n was a total blast!! i can say that it was my best year, ever!! what i thought to be a b0ring & c0ld holiday seas0n for me turned out to be a very meaningful one..
starting off with the wonderful caroling event at JMA.. i wasn't able to go during the 1st & 2nd night but i was fortunate enough to be on the last night of the caroling. The carp0ol was suppose to be in BA but as night grew older, we transfered to Enzo's house in Xavierville..i was late, as usual so i had to go straight at Enzo's place where the rest of the group were.. we practiced for the succeeding hours & when everybody else had arrived, we headed for Capitol Hills where Maka lived. It was the christmas party of her tita's company & it was held at the clubhouse. We ate dinner first, (buffet!!!..that's one of the highlights actually) & then we ta-dah!we sang! i have to admit that i am not a good singer but somehow i was quite astonished by the way our group rendered our songs..(i don't think i have to elaborate further)..
~to be continued~
Posted by ruseMe
things are just fine with me although i find myself struggling to balance my life from time to time.. i have to keep my priorities straight.. it's not that i wanted my life to be perfect..it's just that i feel that i am not living the way i should be.. i feel like as if im a guitar without strings..trying to sound good (l0ok good..feel Go0d) but in reality im not capable of doing that. i lack many things in my life (my strings) that'll help complete me..
(--,)
Posted by ruseMe
another year had passed & it had been very memorable for me.. it was last year (2004) that i got so many beatings!! i am all beaten up!! got myself into a lot of emotional turmoil.. stress.. pressure.. heart breaks & heart aches..& oh, not to mention frequent severe headaches & migraines.. haha.. guess i really am one tough girl to beat..(imagine having to endure & take all of that..lolz)
the beatings taught me to strong..to be ready to face whatever challenge that'll come my way..i learned.. i understood.. i am no longer blinded by fantasies & dreams of a make-believe world.. no more Utopia & back to the real world..reality..
the previous year had been a blast.. as i am now evaluating my peformance last year, i realized that i have never improved myself the way i did.. this time, im all by myself..
i am happy cuz i have reached certain points in my life that i never imagined possible..im grateful for the love and support of my family, Daddy,Mommy,Ate AC, AA, Aimie, Aaron, Al Prince, Anne'L & Tita Maria.. i am also glad to have good & true friends around.. they made my life w0rth living.. & lastly, I am thankful to the Lord..for his love, understanding & never-ending patience.. without Him in my life, i shouldn't have survived all the bl0ws that i had to enjure!!ΓΌ
Posted by ruseMe
my life.. my purpose.. my destiny
Angels are intelligent reflections of light, that original light which has no beginning. They can illuminate. They do not need tongues or ears, for they can communicate without speech, in thought.navigate
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