Entries for June, 2004

*****
An angel is an intelligent essence, always in motion. It has free will, is incorporeal, serves God, and has been bestowed with immortality. Only the Creator understands its true nature.
*****

*****
Every man dies. Not every man really lives.
--William Wallace (Braveheart)
*****

the week started well for me.. my attendance in my math class was improving since I have not been coming late for the past few meetings & I think it’s a good sign.. (hopefully).. we just had a review session for the 3rd exam (May 18) and it was all right… I was able to cope up with the exercises except for a bit in triangles..

I feel like my last exam in Envi Sci would turn out to be a complete bummer..grrr…I wasn’t able to review well cuz I fell asleep Sunday night & woke up at around 4:30am Monday morning.. I haven’t got much time to review & I’m so damn worried about its results!!! I’m just hoping that the results would be favorable for me.. besides, I did perform well with the other 2 first exams.. so I guess, it won’t be a big problem at all..

Our Envi Sci group had lunch together at Vinzon’s Hall but most of my group mates had unexpected appointments and I found myself alone again after a couple of days with a good company.. I spent 3 ½ hrs at a cyber café in Philcoa & to my dismay, I realized that I had only wasted my time.. I didn’t chat, I didn’t do friendster.. I just surfed & surfed until I realized how long I’ve been surfing.. I didn’t notice the time & still have an exam to take tomorrow & I haven’t answered most of the sample exams that I have. I was mad at myself for being so careless & for wasting precious time..

I straightened myself & prepared to go to Greenhills where I met with Bryan & Tom.. we settled some businesses & it was late when I realized that it was already 10 in the evening.. we haven’t eaten dinner yet and all restos & fast food chains were already closed at that time.. we had Yakisoba & some stuff at Mini-stop in Gale just to satisfy our hungry & hour-long complaining tummies.. we were about to ride a bus when we realized that we had to use the comfort room… (oops, nature calls!!).. it was already 10:30pm & the mall was already closed except for one shop.. the Bowling Lanes!!!! It was on the 4th level & we had to trick the guard to let us inside (Robinson’s Galleria).. luckily, we did pass the guard problem.. but then, there came another.. the bowling lanes were still open til 12:30 am but we can’t just use the comfort rooms there.. we had to avail of their services before we can use their facilities.. it was a quick act on Bryan’s part… we acted as if we were waiting for our other friends to come.. while pretending to wait for them (the imaginary friends of ours), we hurried to use the CRs.. I know we took advantage of the situation.. but we had no choice.. nature calls us!!!he3.. we made lousy excuses as we figure our way out of the Paeng’s Sky Bowl… as we went down through the escalators, we can’t help but laugh… laugh at our foolish act.. laugh at our sneaky & clever plan…

*****
It takes courage to love, for love entails a lot of risks. You might get hurt but the pain you might feel is nothing compared to the joy of knowing that you gave yourself and your heart a chance.
*****

*****
It's so much better
When everyone is in are you in
It's so much better
When everyone is in are you in
Ooooh... Are you in?
--Are You In (Incubus)
*****

{ mood } Machiavellian

Posted by ruseMe

want to speak?

A GIRLY-GIRL. You dont have a lot of self-esteem
and people are always bringing you down for
being sad. What do they know, anyway? You feel
like youre too mature for your age and are
frustrated by the trend-followers who refuse to
accept you because youre not like them.

Your virtues: Intelligence, understanding nature,
modesty.

Your flaws: Lack of social life, inferiority
complex, timidity..





What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


whoa!!it's been so long since i last did this & i really missed this.. i made lots of entries but i always ran out of time to post them.. i have been working out for the past weeks for a new layout & im hoping i could get it done before the end of the month.. hahaha

anyways, i finally got hold of myself again.. im now under control of the situation.. i almost lost myself yesterday & i felt so stupid about it.. i really felt like a loser..yes i'm a L-O-S-E-R!!! i did it again.. i let "him" win over me again & make me feel sorry for myself.. i went nuts & i was in a state of confusion.. but to my relief, i found comfort in the arms of the internet.. hahaha.. yes, yes!!the internet... while in my state of depression, i happen to pass by an internet cafe & i didn't hesitate to spend an hour or so to relax myself & tighten up a bit of my shattering self.. i surfed, chat a bit, checked mails..i didn't realized that i was online for 3 hours & i was relieved because the pain that was hurting me inside slowly faded.. it didn't left me but in a way it subsided.. i was happy it did..

right now, im ok..lots of stuff going on inside my head but im doing just fine..

{ music } I'll be Over You --Toto
{ book } TC7 by Leithold
{ mood } shattering but contended

Posted by ruseMe

want to speak?

You have a kind soul! What can be better than
cooking lemon-pastries? Only helping out sick
kids of course! Congratulations, you have a
kind soul. Known for your purity and goodness
you follow your heart and your brain. The path
you seem to talk on is golden, and your touch
can make others forget about their pain. Your
always the one who donates to charity, feeds
the squirrels in the park, and volunteers down
at the shelter. Youre determined to make the
world a better place, and be sweet and
thoughtful everywhere. You are probably
multi-talented, and others love being around
you. Be careful though. Dont let them take
advantage of you.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla


i don't know if the quiz i had just taken is really ironic or was it me?! today was really an annoying one.. i can't help but feel so irritated & really pissed off at the way registration procedures worked in UP.. grr..it really makes my head boil.. ... try to picture out this situation..this is how the registration process in UP works:

(1)CRS--Computerized Registration System-- you can shoose your subjects for the sem in the internet..you can choose your schedule, your room, your prof (if available)..

{ mood } grumpy

Posted by ruseMe

want to speak?

i'm not a quiz addict..

i just love the quizzes at quizila..thanks to DANA for sharing the site to me.. it was really cool.. i get to answer questions that never occured in my mind before..and pics, oh, boy!!they were really really great.. i'm more comfortable at answering quizzes than surveys... cuz in the end of the quiz, I tend to get a result that most of the time describes my personality..the real me..the inner me tha i sometimes try to hide (or should i say, too shy to bring out)..

this blogging thing helps a lot.. it has become my refuge..my place of comfort.. pain-unleashing.. though it requires a lot of time to maintain & update, i think it was worth the time spent..im learning & at the same time i'm enjoying myself..

i know, someday, i can say i have really (& truly) moved on, in that tragic scene of my life..no matter how many difficulties i have t pass through, with God's help I know i can do this..

i can & i must..


Reincarnation: You are nice enough to go to heaven,
but Earth won't be as fun without you. So you
shall come back as someone or something else.
As a real optimist and lighthearted person, you
always see the good in things. People probably
respect you for your wonderful personality and
love for life. People like you make the world a
happier place (please rate my quiz)


**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

{ music } "Take Me to Your Heart" by: MLTR
{ book } Bagito by UP UGAT (zine)
{ mood } hyper

Posted by ruseMe

want to speak?

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.


If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.


If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.


If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.


If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.


So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.

{ mood } nothing

Posted by ruseMe

want to speak?

"In moods of discouragement or despair,never forget that the sunshine will ultimately come back,that it's absence never is permanent.
Hang onto your faith, knowing that soon
you will rise into the sunshine again."
~Norman Vincent Peale~

Posted by ruseMe

want to speak?

My heart swoons every time
I steal a glance at you
My hands get clammy
My knees begin to shake.

Have I loved?

My dreams were all about
You saving me from dangers,
Holding my hand, hugging me tight
Shielding, protecting.

Have I loved?

Nights spent talking
Stories that never end
Days spent writing
Thoughts that promise forever.

Have I loved?

Broken promises, tears spilt
A million sorrys after
The damage has been done
There's no tomorrow, only now.

Have I loved?

I guess I have and still will
The wounds will heal
I will move on and so
With life, a cycle that never ends.

I have loved.

Posted by ruseMe

want to speak?

got this from my friendster bulletin board..i guess it was worth postin..



1.YOUR HOROSCOPE?--- scorpio

2.SiNGLE OR TAKEN?--- single

3.iF TAKEN, BY WHO? --- soon..he3..

4.HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SERiOUSLY HURT BY THE
PERSON YOU LOVE/D? --- yes, yes, yes (person I loved)

5. WHAT WOULD BE YOUR REASON iF YOU TURNED
SUiCiDAL?--- I won’t commit suicide..won't even consider it..

6.IS SuiCiDE REALLY KiLLiNG YOURSELF?--- nope

7. PREFER COUNTRY OR CLASSiC?--- classic

8. PREFER CUTE/iDiOT OR SMART/UGLY?--- smart/ugly.. brains are better than the face..but both will be better..hahaha..

9. ARE YOU iN A STABLE RELATiONSHiP WiTH YOUR
BF/GF/CRUSH?
--- nope.. got no stable relationship as of now.. no plans of getting into one..

10. YOU`D EXPECT A TEXT MESSAGE USUALLY FROM:
--- friends.. classmates..business partners..

11. HAVE A BEST FRiEND THAT iS iN THE OPPOSiTE
GENDER? WHO?
--- got plenty.. (mtm)

12. WHAT DO YOU LiKE DOiNG WHEN YOU`RE
DEPRESSED?--- surf the net, blog, eat a lot, sound trip, shop?!

13.CHEERFUL OR BORiNG?--- cheerful

14.DESCRiBE A PERFECT DATE.--- a simple date can be a perfect date to me, as long as there’s lots of good food..=)


15.EVER WONDERED WHY NOBODY KNOWS WHY THE SKY iS
BLUE? WHAT DO YOU THiNK?--- yup..most of the time..

16.EVER BEEN HURT BY LOVE?--- yup! many times...

17.WiLL YOU EVER MAKE THE SAME MiSTAKE AGAiN?
WITH LOVE???--- no..only stupid persons don’t learn from their mistakes..

18.EVER HATED ANYONE LiKE HELL?--- nope.. love one another, db?! Even your enemies..

19.DO YOU DO ANYTHiNG WHEN A PERSON BREAKS UP
WiTH YOU AFTER ONE DAY?--- of course..im not numb noh.. cry probably..

20.GiVE ONE WORD THAT BEST DESCRiBES WHAT YOU`RE
FEELiNG NOW.--- contented

21. DO YOU BELiEVE iN YOURSELF?--- yes, I do.. why shouldn’t i?!

22.EVER PHYSiCALLY HURT YOURSELF?--- sometimes in the head.. when I have migraine & I can no longer endure the pain..

23.EVER VERBALLY HURT YOURSELF?--- maybe, but I’m not that affected if I did..he3..

24.MOTTO iN LiFE.
--- if you want to make your life easy, start making it hard!!

25.HAVE YOU EVER DOUBTED THAT SOMETiMES?
--- yup.. doubts are part of our lives.. we have to face it..

26.HAVE YOU EVER HAD *EXTRA* FEELiNGS ABOUT A
BEST FRiEND FROM THE OPPOSiTE GENDER?
--- hmmm?! Yup..when I fell for my 1st love.. he was my best bud!!

27.iF YES, WHAT DiD YOU DO ABOUT iT? iF NO, WHAT
WOULD YOU DO?--- we had a relationship for about 2 yrs. but we decided to just be friends.. =(

28.iS FAME & MONEY THE MOST iMPORTANT THiNGS iN
YOUR LiFE?
--- no!there are lot more important things than those.. like my family & friends..my education..my reputation..

29.DO YOU MAKE ANY MOVEMENTS OR SOUNDS WHEN
YOU`RE SLEEPiNG?--- I guess not.. I sleep as if I’m dead..

30.ARE YOU DiFFiCULT TO WAKE UP?
--- nope!! I wake up easily even at the slightest sound.. but it still depends if im too tired..

31.HOW OFTEN DO YOU SLEEP?--- rarely!!hahaha..

32.ARE YOU CONVENiENT WiTH THAT?--- nope..i’m actually making adjustments with my sleeping habits..

33.LAST, HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE
PERFECT?--- nope.. cuz I know I’m not..though I know someday, I’ll be..

{ book } "Seize the Day"
{ mood } accomplished

Posted by ruseMe

want to speak?

Today I got my precious.. how “it” got to my possession was an unexpected one.. I have learned to love “it” even though “it” has only been with me for a few hours..

it was raining hard that time.. around 6:30 in the evening.. I didn’t bring any umbrella (which I know was one stupid act for me), cuz I was thinking that I wouldn’t need it.. besides, the weather wasn’t that bad when I left the house in the morning.. one more thing, I don’t want to make my bag look so hulking that day.. for what reason, I just don’t know.. I had to meet with someone at around 7pm in Virra mall & the rain was nailing me down… I got off a bus at Robinson’s Galleria 30 minutes ago & at that time I had to run as fast as I could to get to the nearest shelter.. (for that case happened to be under the flyovers of Ortigas).. I was wet.. dripping.. drenched.. soaking wet.. I went inside Mini-stop to get something warm to eat.. the weather went from bad to worse.. time was running & I knew I had to do something..

an umbrella!! that’s what I need!! I need to have an umbrella so I can get going.. I had to go but the rain’s causing such delays just because I don’t have an umbrella.. my heart beat faster.. I can feel my feet drag me towards the entrance of the mall & into the department store.. I scuffled my way to the 2nd floor & searched for the section I needed to find.. about 5-6 feet away, I can see groups of scrambling people every shelf of what seemed to be an eternity of umbrellas.. scrutinizing every detail.. opening & closing…whirling from side to side…appreciating the colors.. my pace quickened.. I’m almost there.. I picked up a small floral one…nah, this is too light.. the wind might rip it down with a blow.. there were lots of choices.. I made several rounds before I spotted “it”… neatly placed in the 3rd row of a shelf…the lights in the department store made its blue body glimmer amidst the many people scurrying round about.. I knew at an instant it was the one for me.. I seized “it”.. “it” wasn’t that fascinating but “it” felt warm in my cold hands.. I twisted & turned “it” & checked if there were damages or slight defects.. to my gladness, there was none..(sigh).. the last thing that crossed my mind was the price.. how much would this thing cost me?!.. turning & twisting again, I saw the price tag, 479.00!!!!!!!!! whew, no, it can’t be.. that would mean ½ of my saving for the month… I’m just a student & I’m not earning much.. I still have stuff to buy & buying an umbrella like that, is really out of my plans.. it’s not my priority.. but then again, I realized how badly I needed an umbrella.. besides, I already felt an attachment with “it”.. time passed quickly & I really haven’t time to contemplate what the hell happened. I found myself at the cashier & I did buy “IT”.. It felt good inside.. but doubts & fears began to settle as I figure my way out of the mall..

I know I sounded crazy but having my precious around made my life a bit easier that night.. I felt safer & secured that I would no longer be dripping wet again.. hahaha.. thanks to my precious.. thanks to my precious I needed to tighten up my budget again.. (sigh)

Posted by ruseMe

want to speak?

I BELIEVE (My Sassy Girl OST)

i believe... when you are not with me
there are no stars in the sky.
i believe... The way back to you
will feel a little far.

i'll carry all those memories deep inside me.
i'll feel pain, it'll make tears fall.

when I won't cry you will leave me
with no change and no tears.

someday again the tears will come around
You know it

i'll believe that you are waiting; i do it for you.

i believe... it'll hurt me to see,
you can't cry.
i believe... my tears will fall,
you should turn back to me again.

again I'll glimpse you come into my sight
and it'll make my tears fall.

when I won't cry you will leave me
with no change and no tears.

someday again the tears will come around
you know it

i'll believe that you are waiting; I do it for you.

before i knew you,
the world was dazzling.
from that sky i got left with tears.
i will care for that person.

you are the only reason...
to me the wait gives me enough happiness.

love is the only reason...
as days pass by, if you forget the way,

i'll be waiting; i do it for you.

i do it for you.

{ mood } crazy

Posted by ruseMe

want to speak?

the days went by so fast
& i hardly even noticed
its already two months
when we kissed our love goodbye..

the pain still lingers
the tears keep on falling
no matter how hard i try
to hide it or deny it’s existence..

two months.. yes, two months
some days spent in solitude & in agony
nights full of mourning & tears
misery & distress in my dreams..

but for every dark spot,
there will always be a brighter mark,
making way for hope & peace
to dwell in my troubled heart..

it has been two months,
two months of carefree living
& independent decision-making
no one to bother but myself..

taking big leaps towards new paths
far & farther away from where we stopped
this way i know i can move on
without hesitations & will to go back..

the roads are not straight,
nor are they easy to pass through
but through this gloomy & dangerous paths
i know i can forget you..

no more tears to shed, they were all gone
no more sleepless nights, i needed some rest
no more reminiscing of you and me, nothing’s left to recall
just the will and determination to go on & never look back..

only God can knows, how long i can hold on
but in the end i know for sure
it’ll be two months and counting
& i’ll be forgetting you soon..

i wrote this poem on our 2nd month apart.. crazy as it may seem, i am still in the process of forgetting him..i can't help it.. i loved him so much.. i really did.. i thought it was a different kind of love.. (it was a groovy kind of love)..but now it was gone.. it was lost & gone forever.. i know i would never have it back.. i am still hurt but somehow i can manage to move on.. somehow, i can still find things & people to hold on to & help me really move on.. & let go of my bitter past..

Posted by ruseMe

1 who spoke

How to make a ruseMe

Ingredients: 1 part competetiveness 1 part crazyiness 5 parts empathy

Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little caring if desired!

Posted by ruseMe

want to speak?

hey, i'm back..after a long, long while..hahaha.. just finished my calculus exam today & i felt like i needed a break.. so that's why im here.. i have to watch a movie later at the Film Center & i'm too early for that.. well, well, just hang on tight my friends..for the next few days i'll be posting a lot & i guess, more often.. exams are on their way already & i guess blogging would be the only thing that would keep me from really tudying..hahaha... carpe diem you guys!! rock on!!

LOOK OUT! ïòð

ruseMe is a radioactive squirrel!!

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com




** got this again from sheng's page..cool stuff!!!

Posted by ruseMe

1 who spoke

Am I cool or uncool? [CLICK] You are Cool! You're pretty cool! People look at you and think.. 'wow.. that person is cool!' Congratulations. Use your position wisely and teach the dorks below you a thing or two. There's nothing like recruiting a cool person. Cool quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

** got this from sheng's page..cool stuff!!!

i had lots of things to write in my mind.. i always look forward to write an entry that would not just interest my readers but also would reflect what i really feel inside of me.. i just wish & hope i have time to do that cuz right now, i don't have much time.. i have lots of things to do.. lots of things to prioritize.. here's some to name:

(1) studies --> kung gaanon kahirap pumasok sa UP, gnon din khirap makakuha ng degree..halos pagapang nko sa mga major subjects ko & awa ni Lord, nasa FT p nmn ako at hnd pa nccpa..he3..

(2) spiritual learning --> kailangan kasi balance ang spiritual knowledge & secular knowledge.. hindi lang puro acads..dpt mron dn time for the Lord..to study His words & emerge in His sacred & divine works..

(3) business --> alam ko na sa early age ko na toh, i should be starting to have my own business na..para pag-grad ko, mat money nko..hindi ko n kailangan umaasa sa parents ko when i go to med school.. it's self-fulfilling & napakaganda ng feeling ng merong sariling business...

(4) food --> pag tapos ng lahat ng gawain at dapat gawin, tska pa lang ang kainan..im trying to gain some weight this sem & a sure way of doing such is to study, study, study, read a lot, read a lot, read a lot.. pagtapos ng lahat ng un, pyesta to the max!!hahahaha...

grabe, tlaga!!hirap magpakabusy..try as i may, nahihirapan pa rin ako!!bsta, bsta..u'll all soon know why.. how..he3..

{ mood } nothing

Posted by ruseMe

want to speak?

I believe we are free, within limits, and yet there is an unseen hand, a guiding angel, that somehow, like a submerged propeller, drives us on.

Posted by ruseMe

1 who spoke

my life.. my purpose.. my destiny

Angels are intelligent reflections of light, that original light which has no beginning. They can illuminate. They do not need tongues or ears, for they can communicate without speech, in thought.

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